Forrest was wrong: Life is like a muffin......

People brag and say they want community, but I am calling it out.... 

Many times, they don't... Not real community.

Community is the new cool hipster buzzword.  And anybody who is anybody is in one.  Except, many times, it really isn't community at all.  It's just another fist bumpin' good time to pretend.  Trust me... I know A LOT about the word "pretend" and "perform"
I was a professional pretender/ manipulator.

Remember that old line, "You can't kid a kidder?"

Well, you can't "pretend" with a recovered "pretender" 

Forrest Gump said,  "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are gonna get...."


Well, I know this can be true, but I want to suggest that life is like a muffin....

Kinda like THIS muffin below!

 You know how it is.  you order the beautiful muffin at the counter with your coffee.  It looks so good and you can't resist, right?  Anyone else like me and go for the top first?  I never dive right in and take a bite...sinking my teeth into it.  No, I pick off the top first.  I love muffin tops  Then, I will pick and eat around the edges.  By the time the center is exposed and vulnerable, I am done.  I feel full and don't want to finish off the extra calories.  I got "just enough" to satisfy that yearning, and the rest goes in the trash.  (poor little cinnamon toffee muffin)

POOR.  LITTLE.  MUFFIN. 

How often do we do that to each other?  I observe this a lot in Nashville.  It's like a mini Los Angeles here.  (my judgment of course)  It's everywhere... Churches, groups, campuses, gyms, DATING, basically any community of your choosing.....

People brag and say they want community, but I am calling it out.... They don't... they just want the muffin tops.

I am guilty of participating in this behavior.  You know the kind.... You see a lovely  hipster "muffin" and you are intrigued.  It looks so good.  Your hipster community has so many to choose from too!

People are so pretty and cool and hip and talented her in Nash, bruh.  I mean, let's "totes" hang out soon.... says no unhip muffin ever.

Sometimes, I feel like this muffin.  I'm willing to bet you do too.  You feel like "Yay!  Someone is coming to get me!"  But they only get to the surface ( a nibble... maybe even a bite or two) before they leave you exposed  ( the good stuff is still there waitin').  They have enjoyed the surface... just a little.  But they are not committing to the entire muffin.

I am committed to the entire muffin today...   How about you?  

side note:  I would like to add how very grateful I am for this muffin... it was DE-LISH!  

Getting our Heads Out of Our Tails: Its Not About Me

Get Your Head out of Your Tail

It's Not About Me

This is my first post in a series that has been brewing within me for quite some time.  The series is inspired from my reading of Deuteronomy 28:13 and it states that the Lord will make you the head and not the tail.  Problem is that I didn't really know what that meant.  Until I delved deeper.....

One thing is for sure about life.  No one is immune to transitions, and or suffering.  Those factors are beyond our control.  In terms of my own suffering or yucky transitions, I used to associate them with my sin and being "bad" a lot.  I mean A LOT.  If ever there was an unfavorable transition, or suffering in anyway, I immediately felt that it was all because of me and my "bad girl" (shame) syndrome kicked in. If Lily got in trouble at church for talking too much in choir, I immediately thought I was a horrible mom... it was my fault.  I was bad.  If Lily was having a victory in any area of her life, I immediately went to a different pride..."I am one amazing mom!  I did that!" (And her daddy.  I always include him because he is a great dad.)

• Talking to the parents here for a minute: It is easy to attach identity to our kids, especially if you are a single parent.  The thing about our identity is this....  If we put too much stock in that thing, and then that thing crashes, then your identity will crash....  Never get too close to what you do.  Just get really really close to the Author of your story.... He will do the work.  I used to put all of my hope into my awesomess (when I was not shaming myself for my not-awesomeness). I was awesome at alot of things: mothering, cooking, communicating, friendships, and girlfriend being... yep... even that..... to name a few..... When I let go of my self-concepts and identities and focus on HIM, making it only about Him... life became peaceful and more simplistic.

As I look back on all of that time now, I think, "Wow, how arrogant was I?  Giving myself credit for all that junk.  That probably means that I gave myself credit for all the good stuff too."

I needed to pull my head out of my tail!

If there is one reader out there today that can get this, then this post is worth it...  "It's not about you." Let me say that again with emphasis... ITS. NOT. ABOUT. YOU.  Its not.... 

We need to pull our head out of our tails and realize that it's not about us at all.  When we start living in a way that loves others well, without expectations, without keeping score, without getting offended, we are living as the Head.

But you may say, "Shelli, you don't understand how I am being mistreated!" or "Shelli, you don't get it, they are so mean!"

Hey, I did not write the scriptures.... I just read them and do my best to infuse into my life... and Corinthians says that love is.....

Patient- all the time
Kind- all the time
honoring- even when we are misunderstood or dishonored
truth loving
even tempered- even when everything in me wants to get even at injustice of it all
forgets the wrongdoings- not remembers them and grows bitter
Protects- protects others reputations???
Trusts- I know that's a toughie, but its write there in Corinthians
Hopes
Perseveres

NONE OF THOSE THINGS SOUNDED LIKE GETTING OFFENDED to me, did they to you?  Its God's word, not mine...

I think the biggest lie we believe is that we get to take offense.  Step back when you feel offended by something, and ask yourself this question?  "Am I making this about me?"  Perhaps the offender is operating in a system of fear and not love.  Perhaps you are operating in a system of fear and not love.  As a mom of two teenagers, I have plenty of opportunities to get my feeling hurt, especially by my oldest as she is a girl and like me in alot of ways, and we can butt heads.  Sound familiar?  If I live at the "tail" I am going to get offended ALOT, and I am going to act out and say things I may regret...ALOT.

But when I remember that it is not about me...  My heart and actions change.  What do I want her (and my son) to know from me above all else?  I want them to know the love of God.  When I encounter a person that is not easy to talk to or be nice to, what do I want them to experience?  If I make it all about ME... then stuff goes wrong, every time.   If I can switch my thoughts, retrain my brain and make it always about LOVE....  then I are living as the Head that God intends.

You have to do that work.  How can you make it about love?  How can you make it about others?  What do others need today?  Go Be that.  It's not about you, friend.  When you start living this way, just watch and see what changes start to transpire in your own heart and life.

I dare you to apply this principle to every area of your life where you want to take offense.  

Oxen, Barns, and Hip Waders

A friend recently told me that she appreciates that I have an ox in my barn.  As she shared her admiration for my “barn” she said that sometimes she trades her oxen for manure-free.  Only one cup of coffee in from my morning, I had that dazed and confused look.  Initially, I thought that was the craziest statement ever and I tried to pull out the mysterious metaphor.  Then it made perfect sense!  You see,  folks have no messes to clean up when they have a manure free barn.  When your barn has no manure, its because you have no oxen.  Are you tracking?  When you have no oxen you don't have free fertilizer or an animal to plow.....

Proverbs 14:4 states that where there is no ox, there are no crop; and a good harvest requires a strong ox for the plow. 

Interpretation:  If we want a bountiful life and harvest, its pretty clear that there is gonna be some stinky messes  to clean up.  Sometimes a big harvest around the corner means, we are in those hip waders plowing through to clean up the manure. 

Here's to the stinky messes in life we sometimes have no choice but to wade through.  The harvest is worth it.  

xoxo

Playin' for keeps

What condemns you?  

What drives you to cower and hide into the cobb-webby corners of your world?

 What deep insecurities war within the truest desires of your soul?  The pressure from the insecurities, the hiding, and lies against the warring truth and authenticity of who God made you to be is relieved in a beautiful love story of redemption.  The longings and gifts yet exposed in the deepest places in your heart are buried into the depths of your core.  That, my friend is where your diamond lives.  Now, in this moment maybe still a lump of coal, it is just waiting to be uncovered, and brought forth to dazzle in all of God's glory.   

 The time it takes for you to unleash your diamonds will depend on you.  God is a gentleman and he won't force anything on you.  He will wait and let you take the difficult long path.  He will let you become broken.  He will wait until you ask him for His help.  When will you ask?  May I recommend you taking a good hard look at yourself in the mirror and ask now, before you are in that pit so deep that the only thing you see when you look up is dirt?  That was me.  Just a few short years ago I dug my pit, then I fell so deep that all I saw was dirt all around me.  It took decades to uncover the layers of lies and deceitful tactics of the enemy, but once I was down deep and had nowhere to go but up, I began asking, REALLY asking for help.   I didn't have a strategy.  I just said, "HELP ME!"  

What I have learned is that the very characteristics that  we have been gifted and purposed for are the very things the enemy is shouting lies into our hearts.  The enemy plants the seeds so slyly, and then he fertilizes and waters with more and more deceptions and lies.  Uneducated to his schemes, we accept his counterfeits as truth.  It is easy to believe the  lies, for they are so much louder than the gentle peaceful voice of God.  Lies start very early.  the enemy of our soul looks for cracks in our foundations right away.  

I KNOW A GIRL....

I know of a  little girl weighing 2 lbs 12 oz when born many years ago with a destiny to inspire others to become better versions of themselves to the glory of God.  Given 50 % survival, she fought a mighty battle to live. The first 2 months of her life, she was an orphan, and the enemy began crafting his own story.  She was created articulate, captivating, and creative.  The enemy, time and time again threw roadblocks to silence her with shame and condemnation.     As a toddler the enemy saw a chance to shame and snuff her cries through daycare workers stuffing her mouth with tissue as she cried for her mother.   As a child, he used embarrassment and shut down her carefree and spirited soul.  As a teenager, she was told she was not allowed to write her stories, for they were the "wrong" kinds of stories, and again she was silenced, voiceless, purposeless.   In over a decade of her young adult years, she was silenced and condemned by people she trusted in the church and home to keep secrets in order to protect her abuser.  Her first love, a youth pastor shamed her into keeping the relationship a secret, for fear of the congregation rebuking him for dating yet another "youth worker"..... until he broke her heart and she grieved that too in silence.  One may think she was a quitter and resolved to shame.  NOPE, but she was knocked around quite a bit.  Years and years of silence and secrets kept the unleashing at bay.  Her spirit resiled!

Once she got wind of the unoriginal tactics that were taking her to the dirt, she was able to do battle. Then, he Barn Doors  burst open, and the unleashing power of God fell.   

 Her battle, not one rooted in bitterness, but in knowing the truth in the word of the living God.  

Past pain makes her love deeper and harder.  God's truth gives her insight, and His value of her gives her courage and hope past her circumstances.  His immeasurable love for her is her driving force to love others.  

There are others......

Victims of multiple divorces, panic attacks, children running away, illness, negative patterns galore.........

Speaking from experience, and from the stories I hear of others in battle, what I know to be true is that the enemy always works to use  shame and condemning tactics to extinguish the light and purposes God plants within us.  "Whats wrong  with me Shellz?"  That is the voice of a hurting friend in my early morning hours today.  "What makes me stay in this cycle?"  

Friend, NOTHING is wrong.... WITH YOU.  What my friend recently told me I pass along to you.... "You are the well provided for and protected daughter to the KING!"  Its just that you THINK you are messed up.  

"As a man thinks in his heart, so he is" Provers something....

THE VERY THING WE THINK WE ARE CURSED WITH, IS THE VERY THING GOD HAS MADE US AMAZING AT.  WE ARE JUST LED TO BELIEVE THE LIES.

The enemy wants us to think we are cursed.  But when we go back to Genesis, we will read that the only thing cursed  was the enemy himself along with the ground he had to crawl on. 

 LADIES, take another glance, and you will see that not only did God NOT curse woman, but God then named woman "Eve" which means life bringer.  Women, we are created to breathe life into each other!  Stop gossiping and start encouraging.  

Don't give the enemy one more day of power over your life.  If you have Jesus, you are already victorious.  You just have to claim it.  If you don't know Jesus as your Savior, please email me and I will be glad to share with you this hope.  Its easy to know Jesus.  Nothing complicated at all.  In fact, If you want to right now, all you have to say is,  "Jesus, I need you.  Come in my life."  That is it.  He hears and comes.  

If you do have Jesus, then you have the power of his perfect BLOOD  to fight the struggles.  Whatever you struggle with today; where spiritual warfare is concerned,  there is a high probability that the precise purpose of your life being challenged.  The enemy wants to snuff you so God's glory won't be shared.   

Battle is simple, but not easy.  And we are unable to do it alone.  We need God and each other!  Battle plans are laid out in Ephesians 6:10-18 

That's what I am talkin' about!

The armor of God:

 "And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels."

Be Prepared!

 "Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out."

If you need prayer or help knowing Jesus, please email me at shellinorvell@me.com 

If you need prayer for your daily battles, put on the armor of God, and email me too.  I am so honored to pray for you.  

Be strong and courageous! 

You are LOVED!!!!!  

A Proverb Challenge

Looking back over my journals throughout the last few years.....

Can we say  VERBAL PROCESSOR?

I have been going back and reading old journals this week, seeking inspiration for my book.  This picture only shows journals from the last few years.  One entry I read today inspired me to challenge you. 

One thing I decided I wanted to work on after my divorce in 2011 was flushing the foolishness from my heart.  I was done with choosing folly and feeling the unnecessary pain from those choices.  I made the decision and I have never looked back.  (I still find foolishness in my heart, but the good news is that because of my wisdom quest, God shows it to me pretty fast) 

In my quest, the very first step I took was to meditate every day of the month in the book of Proverbs.  I practiced this daily (still do) and each month I start over.  So on the 3rd day of the month,  I always read Proverbs chapter 3.  I underline, write, date what I underline and make a note in the margin, and then journal about what it speaks to me.  Pretty much, these are my journals about wisdom and how I can and wish to apply to my life.  They also contain my prayers, conversations and whines, and lots of gratitudes.   Every month, I get a new take-away.  I mean it is the book of wisdom, right?  

The fun thing is looking back in my actual Bible at the dates and underlines to see what was going on.  My plan (shhhhhhhh.... its a secret) is to give my daughter my Bible when she graduates high school and she will get a small picture of her mother's life in these margins.

As I look back over my journal entries, I realize that while I have grown by leaps and bounds, foolishness still can be very sneaky.  I can become very prideful about being wise.  The enemy will do anything to keep us stuck and its very easy to get tripped up again and get lost in folly.  I found these notes from an entry on October 7, 2014...  Pretty simple stuff.  

Oct. 9, 2014:

If you want wisdom, all you have to do is ask.  But never ever think you have arrived.  For that is a dangerously foolish thought.  A thought that has taken me down and out many many times.   

Wisdom vs. Foolishness...

Wisdom has a teachable heart, is prudent, knows when to keep one's mouth shut, and wants more insight to increase life.  

Foolishness on the other hand is easily led astray, loud and noisy, simple and open to all forms of evil, reckless and willful, and is ignorant of the eternal value of anything.

A foolish person:

Proverbs 
1:7        Hates Godly wisdom and instruction
9:6        Is simple-minded
10:23    Lacks sense
11:2      Swells with pride
            Says ME first in everything
14:6     Has an attitude that blinds and deafens to wisdom
14:7     Flies off the handle
19:3     Subverts his own way, then is resentful and frets against God
21:20   Is wasteful
14:8     Is deceptive and self-confident 
14:33   Makes known their inward parts and BLABS everything about everything to   
           everyone.
21:11   Scoffs at others
23:9     Despises wisdom
28:26   leans on and trusts in and is confidant of his own mind and heart
29:9    Rages and laughs against wisdom

Ecc 4:13   no longer knows how to receive counsel (friendly reproofs or warnings)
      7:25   His madness leads to wickedness

Duet 32:6        Is senseless
1 Sam 13:13    Doesn't keep commandments
Job 5:2           Is full of vexation, rage and indignation

Ps 73:22   Is stupid
    75:18   Is impious
    74:22   Scoffs and reproaches

BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT 

(and oftentimes find myself in some of these scenarios all over again)

But the good news is that we can just ask God and He gives it!
Wisdom, with its teachable heart can get me back in the game when I practice and love it

A wise person:

Proverbs

1:2    discerns and comprehends words of understanding and insight
1:7    has a reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord
2:4    wisdom is a hidden treasure, skillful,  and Godly
2:10  is pleasant
3:13  Happy and blessed, fortunate and enviable 
         (proverbs 31 woman was envied by   Jewish women)
3:15   is precious
4:6     is protected 
4:8     brings honor
8:20   walks morally in every area of life 
9:4    Will have understanding and insight
9:11   God will multiplies my days
11:2   obtains humility and soundness
14:33  rests...SILENTLY (OR in ones verbal processing journals..) 
          SLOW to speak 
18:4  Words of wise are a gushing stream, sparkly fresh, pure and Life Giving  
        (women, this is our namesake.... EVE means "life bringer")
19:8   we will love our own life, prosper, find good
21:11  continue to learn lessons by instruction (teachable heart)
24:3   Build a life, home, and family
24:14  has a future, a reward, hope and expectation, and is not cut off.
28:26  Will be delivered from harm
31:26  Is kind

I know there is so much more in scriptures about wisdom.  This is just from my journal entry.  This day I decided I was going to take wisdom serious and I asked God to give me more.  In that, he has delivered me from so many potentially harmful situations, allowed me to learn from other situations where I didn't listen to wisdom, restored me, and continued to teach me more.  Wisdom is always there.  All we have to do is ask.  

Isn't living a life to be wise so much more peaceful and happy than living foolishly?   Think of of the pain and trouble we avoid when we seek wisdom.  

I encourage every reader to start the daily proverb reading and just SEE what will happen!  

Trophies of Grace

We Make getting back up so much harder than it has to be!

Tough Mudder: May 2014  Took me 3 times to scale that wall!  

In this race we call Life, we fall down.  Or, we see a team mate fall down beside us.  Scraped and bruised, many are hurting from their fall.  Someone is bleeding out right now.  Someone you know may have messed up big time.  Chances are, if you are reading this you have messed up.... Big Time.

Failed marriage?  Broken friendship?  Loss of a dream?  Jobless?  Penniless?  Driven your children away?  Been driven away?  Business not going so well?  All of this is a result of sin.  Going deeper than that word sin, I venture to say it results from some toxic thought, or lie that you have been entertaining.

Science it just beginning to catch up with what Scriptures have been saying all along.  Our thoughts are life or death.  Our thoughts can literally make us ill.  Mentally and physically we can change the trajectory of our lives when we entertain and practice weaving in scriptures into our brain.

This Blog is for the ones who are suffering from their shame of their mess ups.  It is also for the others in the race of life who condemn and point fingers in judgement at those who have fallen. Yeah, us Christians, we are good at that.     I speak from experience of being trapped in both at different times.

So here you are.... sitting in your thoughts, wondering why you are caught up again in "this" cycle.

There is a way out.  You just fell down, so you are not dead.  It is time to get back up.  Getting back up simple, but it is also rigorous work, friend.  I know because I speak from experience.  What lies are YOU believing?  I know what mine are.  Maybe the enemy planted the lie that you are not good enough, pretty enough, wealthy enough, thin enough, tall enough, or even have enough hair! (ENOUGH!)

Perhaps your lie is that you are a screw up and never get "it" right.  What if the lie is a constant worry or unworthiness?   Are you done with the tiresome falling down, struggling to get back up, only to take a few strides before you slip and fall?

 Whatever the lie is, the ONLY way to get up, and then find your way back on track and persevere to the finish line of Grace... is to do what the Bible says:

"Take every thought captive" (2 Corinthians 10:5)  and then
"Be transformed by the renewing of your minds" (Romans 12:2)

Find your scriptures of truth to battle the enemy's slick lies.  The Bible is chock full of them.  Dig in and do your battle to get up.  Meditate on that scripture.

As I write this, I do my own work on my own mess ups in life.  The one thing that allows me the dignity to hold my head high, pull my shoulders back, and skip along like the free spirited gal that my Creator designed me to be is to replace my toxic thought with a positive thought and flip that coin.  By coin, I mean the fear faith coin.

One side is fear, the other is faith.  

My author friend Bart introduced me to this metaphor.  He explains it with much more eloquence than I, but simply put,  living in fear activates the very thing I dread.  By living in faith and fighting my fears, I live in victory and I get that GRACE  trophy at the end of my race.

I am pretty confident that I am not the only person on the planet that messes up and then as soon as I realize my mess, immediately, shame comes in and takes a few punches.  My shame says, "you will never get it right.... and you don't get to have more chances to be God's good girl... your second chances are all used up."  What a lie!  It takes a few black eyes or a bloody nose for me to realize it is a lie tho.

Friend, your mess ups are no different than mine, or other AMAZING men and women in the Bible who we are reminded of.  Lots of cool people in the Bible messed up.   THEY all  received not just a second chance but.... "ANOTHER chance" and are now considered by God as trophies of grace.

Lets name a few Trophies of Grace:

 *That woman at the well, who had 5 husbands (THATS A LOT OF MESS UPS)
 *Peter, the hot head who denied Christ three times.
 *How about Samson, or Jonah?
 * How about that whole conversation between Abraham and God about God saving Lot?
 *Then there is David, who some would call bi-polar.  David was described as a man after God's own heart... yet Bi-polar because he was honest about his sin, toxic thoughts, and cried out to God.  I venture to guess that many today would have the same label then.  Bi-polar in my humble opinion is  simply a disorder of letting toxic thoughts rule us.

So friend, if you struggle in your emotions, take a look at your thoughts?  Take them captive, and then do the hard work of rewiring your brain by renewing your mind with His words.  His scriptures.  The problem we have today is that we let our emotions and "hearts" lead us (holding up that mirror now as I say this to myself)

What we should be doing is LEADING our hearts with truth from God's word.

Maybe you need to begin talking to God about our screw up first, then the root.

God's word says that when we screw up,  "He is merciful any gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness" (Ps. 86:15)

God's word says, "who is God like You, pardoning iniquity, and passing over transgressions for the remnant of his inheritance.  He doesn't retain his anger forever because his delight is steadfast love." (Micah 7:18)

God is absolutely not a liar.  It is impossible for Him to be a liar.  His word is truth.  Soak in that.  Receive your "Another chance" friend and soak in His truths.  Ask him what and who you are to HIM.

Proverbs 3:3 says "wear truth and compassion around your neck and bind it on the tablet of your heart."  I have a necklace that I actually scrolled up a tiny piece of paper and placed inside the tube.  I wear it around my neck to remind me of who God says that I am.  I wrote all of the truths from Him and shrunk them down tiny, scrolled it up, and it is around my neck now.   Recently I have had to add a few truths.

Like Deuteronomy 30:19 says, "He calls before us life and death and blessing and cursing, so choose life and blessing so that we may live!"  When we know and practice our truths, we bless ourselves.  When we know others' truths, we can also bless them and breathe life into their weary soul.  

What are your truths?  Trust me, when you walk in the knowing of your truths, you can't help but exude love, and then you get to help others when they mess up.

Friends,  we need to examine our thoughts and our hearts.  We need to remember our PEOPLE.  We are all in this race together.  We NEED help each other up, not stand around and point our fingers and condemn.  We should not be throwing our stones at anyone.  Jesus said let the one who has never messed up cast the first accusing stone.  Lets help each other get back up.  Lets restore each other.  Lets love each other just because we have Love Power and Sound Mind within us.  (2 Tim 1:7)

 Then we get to cheer each other on and celebrate when we see our people achieve the victories!   What a great life!

We all can be a beacon of love and light to each other, living after Christ's example.

I like to think of myself on a track running, and when I mess up, (I usually mess up ROYALLY!)   I crash and burn.  I am smudged up from the gravel and dirt on the ground.  I may wanna stay down there on that dirty ground a bit, and wallow, whine, cry, and blame the people around me for tripping me up in the first place.  I am pretty good at that wallowing too.  But honestly, that is not God's will.  Nor is it his will for us to stay in victim mode.  He will let us stay there as long as we want to.

He is a gentleman, and he won't help me till I realize I need His help.  Once I realize I need Him, and I can't do ANYTHING without Him, thats about the time I want to take His hand.  Like a good Father,  he pulls me up, dusts me off, wipes away the smudges from my face so that I can see clearly again, reminds me of who I am, and he gives me a little love pat and then sends me on my way to get back in that race.

For the trophy of grace at the end of it is well worth it!  And EVERYONE WINS!