Forrest was wrong: Life is like a muffin......

People brag and say they want community, but I am calling it out.... 

Many times, they don't... Not real community.

Community is the new cool hipster buzzword.  And anybody who is anybody is in one.  Except, many times, it really isn't community at all.  It's just another fist bumpin' good time to pretend.  Trust me... I know A LOT about the word "pretend" and "perform"
I was a professional pretender/ manipulator.

Remember that old line, "You can't kid a kidder?"

Well, you can't "pretend" with a recovered "pretender" 

Forrest Gump said,  "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are gonna get...."


Well, I know this can be true, but I want to suggest that life is like a muffin....

Kinda like THIS muffin below!

 You know how it is.  you order the beautiful muffin at the counter with your coffee.  It looks so good and you can't resist, right?  Anyone else like me and go for the top first?  I never dive right in and take a bite...sinking my teeth into it.  No, I pick off the top first.  I love muffin tops  Then, I will pick and eat around the edges.  By the time the center is exposed and vulnerable, I am done.  I feel full and don't want to finish off the extra calories.  I got "just enough" to satisfy that yearning, and the rest goes in the trash.  (poor little cinnamon toffee muffin)

POOR.  LITTLE.  MUFFIN. 

How often do we do that to each other?  I observe this a lot in Nashville.  It's like a mini Los Angeles here.  (my judgment of course)  It's everywhere... Churches, groups, campuses, gyms, DATING, basically any community of your choosing.....

People brag and say they want community, but I am calling it out.... They don't... they just want the muffin tops.

I am guilty of participating in this behavior.  You know the kind.... You see a lovely  hipster "muffin" and you are intrigued.  It looks so good.  Your hipster community has so many to choose from too!

People are so pretty and cool and hip and talented her in Nash, bruh.  I mean, let's "totes" hang out soon.... says no unhip muffin ever.

Sometimes, I feel like this muffin.  I'm willing to bet you do too.  You feel like "Yay!  Someone is coming to get me!"  But they only get to the surface ( a nibble... maybe even a bite or two) before they leave you exposed  ( the good stuff is still there waitin').  They have enjoyed the surface... just a little.  But they are not committing to the entire muffin.

I am committed to the entire muffin today...   How about you?  

side note:  I would like to add how very grateful I am for this muffin... it was DE-LISH!  

Getting our Heads Out of Our Tails: Its Not About Me

Get Your Head out of Your Tail

It's Not About Me

This is my first post in a series that has been brewing within me for quite some time.  The series is inspired from my reading of Deuteronomy 28:13 and it states that the Lord will make you the head and not the tail.  Problem is that I didn't really know what that meant.  Until I delved deeper.....

One thing is for sure about life.  No one is immune to transitions, and or suffering.  Those factors are beyond our control.  In terms of my own suffering or yucky transitions, I used to associate them with my sin and being "bad" a lot.  I mean A LOT.  If ever there was an unfavorable transition, or suffering in anyway, I immediately felt that it was all because of me and my "bad girl" (shame) syndrome kicked in. If Lily got in trouble at church for talking too much in choir, I immediately thought I was a horrible mom... it was my fault.  I was bad.  If Lily was having a victory in any area of her life, I immediately went to a different pride..."I am one amazing mom!  I did that!" (And her daddy.  I always include him because he is a great dad.)

• Talking to the parents here for a minute: It is easy to attach identity to our kids, especially if you are a single parent.  The thing about our identity is this....  If we put too much stock in that thing, and then that thing crashes, then your identity will crash....  Never get too close to what you do.  Just get really really close to the Author of your story.... He will do the work.  I used to put all of my hope into my awesomess (when I was not shaming myself for my not-awesomeness). I was awesome at alot of things: mothering, cooking, communicating, friendships, and girlfriend being... yep... even that..... to name a few..... When I let go of my self-concepts and identities and focus on HIM, making it only about Him... life became peaceful and more simplistic.

As I look back on all of that time now, I think, "Wow, how arrogant was I?  Giving myself credit for all that junk.  That probably means that I gave myself credit for all the good stuff too."

I needed to pull my head out of my tail!

If there is one reader out there today that can get this, then this post is worth it...  "It's not about you." Let me say that again with emphasis... ITS. NOT. ABOUT. YOU.  Its not.... 

We need to pull our head out of our tails and realize that it's not about us at all.  When we start living in a way that loves others well, without expectations, without keeping score, without getting offended, we are living as the Head.

But you may say, "Shelli, you don't understand how I am being mistreated!" or "Shelli, you don't get it, they are so mean!"

Hey, I did not write the scriptures.... I just read them and do my best to infuse into my life... and Corinthians says that love is.....

Patient- all the time
Kind- all the time
honoring- even when we are misunderstood or dishonored
truth loving
even tempered- even when everything in me wants to get even at injustice of it all
forgets the wrongdoings- not remembers them and grows bitter
Protects- protects others reputations???
Trusts- I know that's a toughie, but its write there in Corinthians
Hopes
Perseveres

NONE OF THOSE THINGS SOUNDED LIKE GETTING OFFENDED to me, did they to you?  Its God's word, not mine...

I think the biggest lie we believe is that we get to take offense.  Step back when you feel offended by something, and ask yourself this question?  "Am I making this about me?"  Perhaps the offender is operating in a system of fear and not love.  Perhaps you are operating in a system of fear and not love.  As a mom of two teenagers, I have plenty of opportunities to get my feeling hurt, especially by my oldest as she is a girl and like me in alot of ways, and we can butt heads.  Sound familiar?  If I live at the "tail" I am going to get offended ALOT, and I am going to act out and say things I may regret...ALOT.

But when I remember that it is not about me...  My heart and actions change.  What do I want her (and my son) to know from me above all else?  I want them to know the love of God.  When I encounter a person that is not easy to talk to or be nice to, what do I want them to experience?  If I make it all about ME... then stuff goes wrong, every time.   If I can switch my thoughts, retrain my brain and make it always about LOVE....  then I are living as the Head that God intends.

You have to do that work.  How can you make it about love?  How can you make it about others?  What do others need today?  Go Be that.  It's not about you, friend.  When you start living this way, just watch and see what changes start to transpire in your own heart and life.

I dare you to apply this principle to every area of your life where you want to take offense.