What was meant to be a relaxing sea salt soak in the serenity of my claw foot tub last night became an unexpectant reminder to me of a valuable and dare I say violent life lesson. I truly just wanted a non-thinking soak; relief for my already over thinking mind. But no, it was not to be. This soak was a segway to deep self discovery.
Beside my tub, a window overlooks my lush green lot. As I was looking out the window, taking in the beauty… I was captured by this scene. Amazed, I witnessed a lovely, wispy dragonfly that was caught up in the spiders web on my window sill. Tracing the silver linings of the silvery web, I discovered the spider busily spinning more web around the fly. What gripped my soul, was the sight of the dragonfly fighting for his life, contrasted by the still calm of the spider. The dragonfly fought fiercely without abandon. The web wildly bouncing, I thought that spider was going to fall off from the turbulence. No, the spider was firmly planted. Occasionally, the spider would crawl closer in to the fly, as if to tease him of his impending doom. The fly would not relinquish. Then the spider would go back to his spot and sit still and watch, do a little work, sit still, then crawl in again and get just close enough to the fly. The fly was still thrashing wildly, and the spider would retreat. My entire picture of what my bath was to look like was ruined. I was committed to this scene. I wanted to do something. I wanted to open that window and get the fly out of danger. But I didn’t. Intead, my troubled spirit watched in horror until at last, the dragonfly grew weary of his fight, and resigned. The spider moved in and did what spiders do. The spider won the battle, not by flailing and fighting hard, but by his calm stillness.
I played this tape back of my life. I am both the dragonfly and spider. Two warring dichotomies of my soul draw me to examine a crisis of belief about my life. This natural order of the universe paints a lovely yet perhaps distorted canvass mirroring the tension in my soul.
In my web…. my life as the dragonfly, I fight. I fight hard. I fight without abandon. I hold tight and I kick and I flail for my freedom. Freedom of weeds in the garden of my soul that rooted and sprouted false belief systems. 2 Timothy 4:7 speaks of “fighting the good fight, finishing the course.” Like the dragonfly, I thrash violently for change….for that metamorphosis of the dark coal to the lovely dazzle of a diamond inside my soul.
There are others times in my Web, where I am still. I take a calm resolve. Taking one day at a time, I cling to the verse…. Exodus 14:14 “the Lord will fight for me, I only need to be still” Another scripture I know of is simply, “Be still and know that I am God” Psalms 46:10. I remain still, like the spider on that turbulent web holding strong as it bounces spasmodically. Stillness, tranquils my soul. Stillness ushers peace. Stillness determines that I am “OK” with my position.
I am led to this question. When is it exactly that my God works his masterpieces? When is it that the Artist who constructs the canvass of my soul works his accomplishments? Will I win with stillness? Or is it my fight that will usher victory? I am not sure. For today, I will fight. Or will I be still?
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