The Bitter and the Sweet

BETTER THAN THE BITTER

Chances are if you are reading this, you have once in your life felt shame, anger, unforgiveness, and then bitterness.  Not sure?

Have you had your heart broken?

Have you been spoken to or treated in a disrespectful way by a friend?

Have you been emotionally, verbally, physically, sexually, or spiritually abused?

Have you ever felt abandoned?

I have.

An experience was created for me yesterday when I was at the gym.  Whether this man meant to or not,  the experience caused for me was one of disrespect and judgement.  His action toward me was like a time machine speeding me back to a time when I acted the most rebellious and shameful. And while my brain knows I have been forgiven and I am not that person any longer, he treated me as if I were that same woman 4 years ago.  Even so, there is no excuse to treat another human with unkindness. 

 The experience took me to a fork in the road.  How would I respond?  I had a choice.  I chose thankfulness.   I'm glad for his  behavior.  His behavior, gave me great insight into how far I have come in the last 4 years.  What the enemy wanted to cause in my heart was destruction, shame, and a victimization mentality.  Because of the tools in my toolbox, I was able to turn the potential disaster in my heart into something beautiful in my heart. 

What the enemy intended:

You see, the enemy of my soul intended for me to crumble, and sink into a victim mentality of deeply pooled shame and regret.  The enemy intended me to get fired up, angry, confrontational, and tell my story over and over to different friends (only told one friend this time….)  who would listen.  My old self would lash out, sending me into an angry and bitter place.   

Friend, anger and bitterness numbs your true heart.

Anger and bitterness affect your health,  mind, personality, and ultimately your relationships. 

They poison your body.  Ulcers, high blood pressure,  and disease are some of the affects of this poison that leads us to a slow death in body and mind.    Did you know that 90% of our sickness is anger, fear resentment, and bitterness related?   

Most depression, insecurity, and anxiety can be traced back to  bitterness.  Bitterness alientates you from other people and can detour you from the best of life.  Trust me, I have lived that side of the coin!  Bitterness affects our relationship with  God, because God is by nature love and wants the best for us.  Bitterness causes us to think negatively on others self, God and all things.  Bitterness directs our attention from perfect peace to a place of self-focus.  

Medical studies show that when harbored, bitterness may forecast patterns of biological dysregulation, (physiological impairment that affects metabolism, immune response, or organ function) and physical disease.   

RESENTMENT IS LIKE DRINKING POISON AND WAITING FOR IT TO KILL YOUR ENEMY!  NO… IT KILLS US!

THAT IS WHAT THE ENEMY OF MY SOUL WAS AIMING FOR… THAT POOR MAN WAS A PAWN IN HIS PLAN!  

What really happened was beautiful

I HAD TO STEP OUTSIDE OF MY EMOTIONS AND NOT PARTICIPATE WITH THEM.  

I allowed myself to be sad for a moment.  I actually let a few tears flow.  And then I got my trusty toolbox out and began searching for the ones I needed to get through it.  I made a decision to forgive right there and then.  

Forgiveness is really the kindest thing you can do for yourself.  It is one of the most difficult things to do, and responding to evil with kindness is what it takes.  When I am unjustly treated, my default wants to get angry, depressed, and become self-righteous.  But that behavior in my heart won't get me the life I want.  I want a long life of joy and peace.  

Want to live long and happy?  You must forgive.  Whether the offender deserves it or not in your mind is beside the point.  YOU DESERVE to be free of the evil.  

 HOW CAN YOU TAKE STEPS TO FORGIVE?

Think of your enemy as someone who has helped you grow

Make a list of good things that result from that awful experience

Be compassionate with yourself, and eat well, rest, and focus on beauty in world.  

Allow yourself to feel pain.

Forgive means to UNTIE and the fastest way to free yourself from that enemy and all negativity associated with bitterness is to forgive.

Stop telling the story of the pain.   How many times a day do we go over and over the hurt?   It is literally a stake in the ground that keeps us from moving away from it.   Stop telling the story. 

Back to what really happened…..

What the Enemy didn’t intend: 

I asked to see that person in a new light.   I stepped outside of my emotion, and believe me, it was NOT easy.  I was humiliated.  But I left the situation, processed, and I immediately took myself out of the equation.   For what ever reason, this man felt bigger making me feel small.  That is his issue and heart.  My issue is to protect my heart form bitterness and unforgiveness. PERIOD.  

When I looked at him with a different eye, I saw him  with a heart of compassion.  I realized that he has  most likely never truly experienced amazing grace, and it caused compassion.  I cannot imagine living a life without grace.  I then prayed for him.  Yep.. (No... I didn’t pray for god to strike him down…lol).  I prayed a blessing for him.  I prayed his life would be blessed.  

NOW HOW IS THAT  for untying the tether from that stake in the ground?  

A wise lady once explained to me that forgiveness is not a choice.  It is mandatory.  It isn’t an  “Oh I am processing it and when I am ready, I will forgive” kinda deal.  Its not an option.  She then taught me that when I truly forgive, I will be able to bless that person and wish a good life for them.  

WOW!  at that point, I knew I had not forgiven a specific person in my life that caused so much pain. 

So I began to practice this.  Any time I thought of this person, I immediately took that tought captive and said the words, whether I meant them or not…. “I wish good and blessings over ______ life”  In my heart, It was hard the first few times, but the words we speak out in the universe are alive.  Pretty soon, after much practice, it became less hard, then it became second nature when his name crossed my mind.  After several months of practicing forgiveness over this person who I felt destroyed my life (a bit dramatic, I know) I ran into him in public.  I had not seen him in well over a year.  We spoke a few minutes and I then walked away. The freedom I felt was like nothing I have ever experienced.  I was free.  There was no stake or tether, no bad or good feelings.  Just a being.  It was SWEET!  

So when this other man in the gym acted in a way to cause my experience of shame, I had a choice.  Would I receive it in my heart and let bitterness grow.  Would I allow him more power in my brain?  Or would I turn it around and bless him and forgive?  I decided that I wanted to have a wonderful day and would not give it power.  I blessed him.  I also felt compassion for him.  I moved on.  And that is SWEET.

The sweetness of forgiving is much better than the bitter!