Recently, a friend invited me into a chapter of her story, threads of a complicated conflict still unresolved.
Frustrated, confused, and slightly stuck, she shared her heart. Let’s face it…. This can be any one of us at
any given time, right? We are humans,
and we can pretty much SUCK sometimes in our relationships. We have baggage. We operate in our systems of belief molded
many times from unhealed spaces within. And
by “relationship,” I refer to any interaction with another, not just a familial
or romantic one. In my own human-ness, I have found myself to act selfishly, carelessly offend, or flippantly
disregard another. Damnit, I am not
perfect yet and it pisses me off! Thankfully, I’ve grown (grown is the key word
here) a sensitivity to know when I have offended or hurt another fairly
quickly, and I work to repair with the other human.
I allowed my friend to continue on about the offense, the “scriptural”
arguments for why she was “right” and the other character in this plot was wrong. Oh, how we (I, I mean really, I can only
speak for myself here) like to justify our offenses. I listened, validated, listened some more,
encouraged, and then shared these two simple words I am about to share with
you. Are you ready?
Change Me……
These two words are usually the last two words I fall asleep
praying. On the nights I’m not falling
asleep with ruminations of gratitude, I have my own unmet expectations, disappointments,
and soul hurts. I’ve come into a slow
mastery over (mostly). I said SLOW, right? And I type MASTERY with much respect and reverence. That mastery has
come in the supernatural power of “change me.”
Modern culture breeds “pay back” spurring on “an eye for an eye!”
Here are some elementary examples of this eye for an eye mentality:
*Well they cut me off in traffic and so I am gonna cut them
off, flip them off, honk at them, etc.
*That person wronged me in ____________________ therefore I
will cut them off emotionally and/or physically! (block them, unfriend, never speak, cuss them out, gossip, withhold affection... choose your poison)
*I am going to treat that person the same way they treated
me because what goes around comes around..... karma and all…..
*He/She used me in ___________________ and they don’t
deserve kindness or____________.
Resonate?
I AM PROOF THAT PEOPLE CAN CHANGE!
I used to react in this mentality. Oh, how many times I reacted in such a way
mirroring another’s treatment (mistreatment) of me. Oh, the times I griped in my own marriage
about something my husband “did” or “didn’t do” and how HIS behavior affected
me. How many times in my past I reacted
to a family member’s words or actions that offended me. How many groups, churches, relationships I
LEFT because of how I didn’t like what they said or did. Oh how very self-focused this human being was
(pointing at self as I write this).
I don’t really know when the shift began, but a shift
nonetheless has ushered me into a peaceful, presence with still quiet calm that
blooms from a tiny seed prayer. It
saturates my being at a cellular level and allows me to rebound more quickly
(but not quick enough still sometimes).
It has allowed me to hold on for dear life in those impossible
situations when I have absolutely no clue how a situation will resolve. "Change Me."
These two words have powerfully transformed my thoughts and when my
thoughts are transformed, the real miracles begin. I can give you one story after another of how
this principle has worked in my relationships.
But to protect those humans I will keep them off of this page.
“But Shelli, what about that friend who gossiped about me?”
CHANGE ME. Your actions are much more powerful than their words.
“Shelli, what about that unfair situation going on right
now?”
CHANGE ME. Character is built in your response to unfair situations.
For that couple in frustration and stuck? Who is missing each other with every spoken
word?
CHANGE ME. Softening happens.
For the one who has a prodigal, feeling left and
abandoned?
CHANGE ME. Freedom......
It’s very easy and dare I say, self-focused to pray, “change
their hearts, God,” or “If You could only make them see their wrong,” or “Help
__________ see my viewpoint,” kinda prayers.
My challenge to you, dear reader is to try two new
words. “Change me.”
This supernatural syntax is where the loveliest, most
beautiful plot twist is written. For when you think the story will be written
one way for certain, the new chapter that begins with “change me” welcomes
freedom for our DIVINE to rewrite the narrative in a new and beautiful outcome
(often nothing like I expected either). “Change
me” has challenged me in the depths of my painful perceived rejections, abandonments,
mistreatments, indignations, accusations, and any trial really. “Change me” began as a spoken word having no
clue what it would look like. “Change me”
reacts in a question of “what would Love say or do?” “Change me” begs the question, “what
experience do I truly want to cause others?”
What experience are you committed to cause? When you figure that one out, then you can authentically
begin to say, “Change me.”
